At one of my son’s recent soccer games, I was chatting with a few of the other moms about my daughter’s latest penchant for fantasy play. Lately, she’s been a baby unicorn or dragon, and I’ve been assigned the role of the mother unicorn or dragon. I follow her lead as we create our own world and often I am cast in other supporting roles and given precise lines and words to say.

“You do that?!” one of the moms exclaimed, eyes wide. “I’d rather buy her a real unicorn!”

We all burst out laughing. I felt a mix of embarrassment, relief and solidarity with her. Embarrassment, because I do play that way, and relief, because I completely understood her sentiment. There have been days when I, too, would have scoured the earth for an imaginary creature, and paid top dollar for it, just to avoid playing “Baby Unicorn” one more time.

Judging by the knowing laughter that rippled through the group, I clearly wasn’t alone. Beneath the humor, what we were all really admitting was that we’d move heaven and earth to NOT have to play with our children.  

I’ve practiced what’s often described as “Special Time” or “Play Time,” a term coined by Dr. Lawrence Cohen, author of Playful Parenting, with my two children for several years. Play Time is “structured time set aside to enthusiastically follow [your] child’s lead.”

I usually do this about three times a week with my daughter in the afternoons for exactly one hour and one minute, a duration she decided was just right. (For the record, Dr. Cohen recommends around an hour, though even 15 minutes can make a difference, as long as the parent offers undivided attention and sets aside distractions like the phone to fully engage and delight in their child and their play.)

The benefits are enormous. This practice builds a deep, close connection between parent and child; it fills the child’s emotional cup; and it invites the parent into the child’s inner world, where they feel safe enough to share their thoughts, feelings, and rich emotional life.

And yet, even knowing all this , and having seen firsthand how it leads to a calmer, more cooperative child,  I still find it hard to set aside my adult duties and to-do list to give my kids my full attention. My friend’s comment made me wonder: why is it so hard to close the computer, let the dishes be, and simply get down on the floor to play? And more importantly, what can we do about it?

Just say, Yes!

Tina Fey writes that one of the first rules of improv she learned as a student at Second City in Chicago is to just say yes! No matter how ridiculous or uncomfortable you feel about what your improv partner is saying or doing, you agree, and figure it out afterward. “The fun is always on the other side of a yes,” she concludes.

When playing with our children, we often find ourselves correcting, steering, or even flat-out saying no to their desires and ideas. Of course, there are times when we need to set limits in the name of safety or practicality. But more often than not, if we say yes, the fun follows naturally.

This “yes” mindset can feel freeing and even adventurous when we embrace our children’s imaginative invitations. “Let’s pretend we’re doing a cooking show and you have an Australian accent, like the girl in that show we watch!” my daughter once suggested. Because I decided to say yes and figure it out as we went along, we ended up laughing hysterically, mostly at my terrible attempt at an Australian accent.

Follow the Child

As I played Hi Ho! Cherry-O with my daughter for what felt like the hundredth time, I suddenly shifted my focus from the game itself to observing her as she played. Maria Montessori famously developed her pedagogical methods through careful, scientific observation of children. She encouraged adults to “follow the child.”

When we pull the camera back on our children’s play and simply watch, it becomes almost impossible to be bored. We begin to notice the details: how much their vocabulary has blossomed as they explain the rules; how beautifully our son’s fine motor skills have improved as he places train pieces on the Ticket to Ride board; how our daughter’s laugh has changed and matured as she jumps on the trampoline.

Games that once felt repetitive or tedious take on new fascination when we shift our attention away from the activity itself and toward the growing, changing child before us.

Meet Your own Needs

We’re often reminded that we can’t pour from an empty cup, and nowhere is that truer than when we’re playing a game with our child that we don’t find the least bit interesting or entertaining. That’s why it’s so important to meet our own needs before we can play joyfully and with genuine enthusiasm.

This can look different for everyone, but a few simple strategies can make a big difference:

·       Tend to basic needs first. Eat or drink something, take a restroom break, and maybe even plan a small reward for yourself afterward. For example, a cup of tea, a square of chocolate, or a quiet moment alone on the front porch.

·       Do something that lifts your mood. What brings you joy, makes you laugh, or helps you feel more alive? Do that, if only for a few minutes, before you play with your child. I’ve found that watching a short Jim Gaffigan clip or blasting some music and dancing around the kitchen helps shift my energy into a more playful, connected state.

·       Find a listening ear. Playing with our children like can be draining, and sometimes what we need most is to vent our frustrations to another adult who understands. Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand Parenting calls this a Listening Partnership: one parent listens openly and without judgment while the other shares honestly for an agreed-upon amount of time.

When we care for ourselves first, we show up to play not out of obligation but out of genuine delight.

Let Go of Perfection

As parents, we want to do everything “right,” and that impulse can spill over into how we play with our children. But don’t worry if you feel rusty when it comes to play or if your Thomas the Train voice isn’t quite right. Your child doesn’t need a polished performer or a perfect playmate, they need you.  As Dr. Laura Markham puts it, “Think your child needs a perfect parent? Think again. Perfectionism is not a sign of strength but of anxiety. It keeps us disconnected from joy, spontaneity, and compassion both for ourselves and our kids.”

What matters most is that you find joy in what brings them joy, that you delight in their delight, and that you genuinely have fun simply being with them. That’s what they’ll remember.

Playing with our children in this way may feel overwhelming, and it is certainly a tall order, but the benefits are truly immeasurable. When we engage with them

wholeheartedly, our children feel deeply loved in the way they most need.

In return, you’ll notice a child who is calmer, more resilient, and better able to navigate daily transitions, even during routines that aren’t always fun or easy. Beyond that, you’ll foster a sense of deep connection and trust, giving your child the emotional foundation they need to meet the demands of everyday life with a confident joyful heat.